March 29: his fear (7 minutes)

he's a homo. thinks he's something more than that, thinks he could go there with a chick, be all that, thinks he's got something to offer them, but he ain't got nothing. it would never work out, not in the long run. sure, he could get it up, stick it in and get off, but it would be about dick. it wouldn't be about pussy. it would only be about getting that thing wet, sticking it in, no never mind about getting her off. that's what he thinks, but he'd be wrong. he looks at the dudes, wonders what they're thinking as they're sitting there across from that chick, looking at her cleavage, her soft skin, smooth, hair so subtle it's not even there. he thinks about this dude thinking about this chick and he can imagine him getting into her pants, but he wouldn't imagine the look on the chick's face. he might could imagine the dude's face as he pummels away at the soft flesh, her arms around his back side, her fingernails, soft and shiny, digging into his ass cheeks, but his ass would be all he sees, 'cause he's a homo. he thinks about the hairy ass, the ass muscles flexing as they drive him deeper into the chick. he sees the hair on the dude's back, the mole on his neck, his blemished face beneath a thick beard and that's what he thinks about. that is what he finds hot, that's what he sees when he looks around the table, looks around the room and tries to imagine himself like them, like one of them. but he's not one of them, not like any of them. he's different than them and he hates himself because of it. he hates them because he can't have them. he understands that to say anything about it would make them uncomfortable, would make them see him differently, would make them avoid being---