My shower is a tub all tiled around, with a textured window that slides open right to left. It had no screen when I first moved in which was the first of summer so I opened it up anyway and the bugs came in. Mosquitoes and mosquito hawks, ants and little roaches, spiders and gnats. If something darted across the white surface of the tub when I turned on the water before I twisted the knob to engage the shower head, I would turn off the water and usher the insect back outside. If it was an ant I let it crawl up on a finger, if it was a bug that made me a little more squeamish I would collect it on a postcard or other handy piece of paper. If it could fly I would gently bat it toward the opening.When I got a roommate, he wasn't so keen on taking showers with critters so we bought a piece of screen from the hardware store and I climbed up on a ladder and thumbtacked the screen around the window frame. From the inside it looks quite proper. Outside is a grove of bamboo so nobody can see it and it doesn't really matter. There are a few places between thumbtacks where tiny insects can still make their way in. It's a bit strange to me that with that big world out there that bugs would be interested in finding a small opening and coming inside, but then again insects seem to always be moving, trying to find a more secure place to be, trying to find a bite size morsel to eat.
Today in the shower the window was only open a few inches because it was a cool day but my roommate is always opening the window to help dry the towels and ward off the mold. I was already standing under the shower water when I noticed a gnat wiping her wings dry standing on the tiled ledge by the window where the tiny drops splashing off of my skin were landing. She would barely manage to wipe herself off and prepare to take flight when another drop would hit her and thwart her plans. I opened the window wider and turned the hot water up a tad and stood to the side to facilitate her escape at least to the screen so I could close the window and shower in peace while she made her way back to the opening and the big world outside.
But she flew up slightly and landed in a huge puddle (huge to her) and fell over onto her back. I had no choice but to put my wet finger close to her, carefully, not to squash her but to let her latch onto me, then I flicked her as gently as possible in a tangled, water logged wad onto the screen.
It kind of annoys me that I couldn't just ignore her and let fate take its course. Once I'm aware I cannot just ignore a sufferer and move on. A gnat, a crying cat, a miserable dog in a rainstorm, a child being ignored by his mother as he cries, snot running down his face. Oh, but wait, I do ignore the child. It pains me but I don't help. I don't say anything to the mother. That would be out of place in society. I can help the gnat, but the little boy I can only smile at, wrinkle my brow and say as loud as I can from my heart, "I'm sorry!"
I guess when I am able I try to help out. When I'm not able I can't. I suppose if the child were drowning I would jump in after him. If his mother was beating him I might say something. I don't know the whole story there. In the case of the gnat I guess I feel a little bit responsible. So maybe that's the difference. Maybe it's okay. Maybe I've done what I can. Maybe I've done my best. Maybe---
