March 14: bitch! bitch! (30 minutes)

S. and I were stoned, standing in line, waiting to see Smiley Face, Gregg Araki’s new film. It was part of the SXSW film festival. We bought all-you-can-see movie tickets for $65. If we saw nine films, we were ahead of the game. I don’t remember how many we’ve seen, but we’re gonna easily be paying only three or four dollars a movie at this rate.

Anyway, some back history. A few weeks ago, I went to see a lesbian performance artist named Bitch. Afterward I went to a bar with her and her girlfriend and a couple of mutual friends, G. & A., a couple. Bitch’s girlfriend D. is in a movie that’s at SXSW and she said she might be back for the film and that Bitch might be with her. I really liked these women.

Further back history: When I first moved to Austin, I ran into an old acquaintance, a musician, “L.” She used to live in New Orleans (when I met her) and now she lives in Austin. She does a lot of children’s songs, has a good following in that circuit. I think she does other types of concerts, too, but that’s unimportant because I saw her perform a kids’ show and I said, “I would love to sing with you sometime.” She invited me to her house, so we could go over some songs – obviously she was very into the idea of me singing with her, too – and/but I quickly realized I wasn’t quite ready to get back on the stage again. It just was more than I was ready for.

Way back history: I was part of a performing duo for ten years. It was great, and the breakup was difficult. I met L. while I was in that duo, in New Orleans. Now I’m repeating myself.

So I called L. and told her I didn’t think I could do it. It felt to me like she wanted more from me than I was ready to give. Whatever. Anyway, I don’t blame her. I wish I was ready for such a commitment at the time, but I just was not.

Okay, so S. and I were at the Paramount, stoned, waiting in line to see a movie about a woman who was really stoned. That’s why we got stoned. It seemed like a good idea. We enjoy each other’s company; we make each other laugh more than anybody else. Did that make sense? (I’m not stoned now, I swear.)

I saw a familiar looking woman walking down the sidewalk. We were really enjoying people watching, and the heightened state of people watching being high and being that it was SXSW and there are a lot of interesting people in town from all over the globe. The familiar looking woman was walking with a man, talking, smiling. “Who is that woman?” I said to myself. I asked S. He didn’t know (even though he knows L., but it’s been many years since he’s seen her). She had dreadlocks. Suddenly I realized: It’s my new friend Bitch! That’s what I said to myself.

This realization was going on just as she got to S. and me, and so I said, “Hey, Bitch! Bitch!” The woman looked at me, smiled, stopped, took a step toward us, and I kept saying, “Bitch! Bitch!” Smiling, knowing – I was part of the IN crowd. Bitch’s in crowd. But she didn’t say hi. She turned and walked away.

And then it struck me: That wasn’t my new friend, Bitch, that was my old friend, L., the old friend I had said “No, I don’t want to perform with you.” I haven’t seen her since I moved to Austin and was at her house and she was trying to teach me songs of hers and learn songs of mine. And here I was calling her bitch!

Oh, my lord, I was mortified. I really need to call her. But I don’t have her phone number anymore, and I have been crazy-busy lately with this film festival. I still shudder to think of it. S. said, “Even if I knew it was her, I wouldn’t yell out ‘Bitch’ in a public place.” Well, I don’t have any problem with that. Really. If it were in fact the performance artist Bitch.

I just had to get that off my chest. I will call her and apologize someday soon…